So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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