i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
