I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish i was in the wii world.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well I just put wine in my tea
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
