You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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