I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
