You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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