K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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