but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
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my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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