So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
