He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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