I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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