whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize