Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
