We named our party play list daddy issues
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
