guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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