Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
