I think I am morally bankrupt
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
