im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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