Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
