Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
