You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
