remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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