I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
