Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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