just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
