i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
