What a fucking waste of an outfit
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
