he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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