And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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