We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
