the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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