i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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