Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize