I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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