She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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