its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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