I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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