we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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