dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
