We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
