May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
