Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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