you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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