Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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