mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize