Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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