my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
