I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
