is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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