Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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