I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
