I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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