I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
