Pants 0. Shit 1.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
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if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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