I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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