my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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