I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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