I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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