I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
