nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
