Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
