i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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