Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Plan B is the new Plan A
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
