So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
