I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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