Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
