you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
