what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
