I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
