I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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