Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
