My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
