I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
