soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
