Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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